MLB Week in Review: Secret hemorrhoids, Ronald Acuña owning the Marlins


Welcome to Mound Visits, your weekly recap of the best things you might have missed in baseball every week. This week brings us CIA nanites, a nun throwing out a first pitch, and Anthony Rizzo somehow hitting a home run while falling down at the plate.

Have a favorite baseball moment from the week? Tweet it at me, and I’ll include it in next week’s column.

We definitely should not laugh at this

The Little League World Series is an exercise in watching kids go through the highest highs and lowest lows of baseball at a fragile age. Most of the time that’s home runs and botched plays, comebacks and elimination games. But sometimes it’s getting hit directly in the beans.

It doesn’t get more cringe-y than this pitch to the baseballs. Right to ‘em too, no doubt. You win some, you lose some.

Ronald Acuña owns the Marlins… again

In the Braves’ first game against the Marlins since Jose Ureña intentionally hit him for the sole reason of hitting too many home runs against them, Ronald Acuña, Jr. … hit another home run against them. Would you have expected anything else?

That led to somebody editing the Marlins’ Wikipedia page with a quickness. Should be a permanent change to be honest, I see no lies here.

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Sister Jean who?

Famous Loyola nun Sister Jean turned 99 this week and that’s not the coolest thing a nun did over the past seven days. Sister Mary Jo Sobieck attended a White Sox game as part of Marian Catholic High School’s trip to the game and was chosen to throw out the first pitch. And boy, did she.

She showed off her skills with a cool ball trick beforehand, and then went with the mean 12-6 curve. Because she can.

She didn’t show up unprepared, as Marion Catholic proved with an Instagram post from earlier in the week of her practicing. Look at those mechanics.

CIA nanites? Really?

This is actually something that happened this week:

  • Ringer writer Michael Baumann tweeted out a (very clear!) joke about Trevor Bauer using unorthodox methods to come back from injury, including CIA nanites.

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  • MLB Network then reported this tweet as news, instead of the pretty clear satire it was. The tweet mentioned **CIA nanites** people. (Bauer tweeted that it was ESPN, but they did not report on the tweet as if it was real despite his.)

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  • Trevor Bauer revealed he found out about the tweet through an unnamed teammate who also thought it was real — which… dude.

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  • Everyone threw up their hands because 2018 truly continues to top itself. I do want to know which teammate that was though.

Waterworks, cued

Every year, the Boston area radio station WEEI and Red Sox network NESN join forces to hold the Jimmy Fund Telethon, supporting the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and help Strike Out Cancer. Millions of dollars are raised, and the Red Sox are annual supporters of the telethon’s efforts.

As part of the two-day fundraiser, the Red Sox have a night where young Dana Farber cancer patients join players on the field pre-game. It’s always heartwarming and inspiring, and I dare you to not get a little in your feelings watching this video.

*Syleena Johnson voice*…and they all fall dowwwwn

Anthony Rizzo hit a home run this week. That’s not news.

Anthony Rizzo hit a home run while falling to his knees at the plate this week. That’s definitely news. It looked pretty impressive when he fell to just one knee, but then he unceremoniously tipped on over and it turned from cool to coolbarrassing.

Guys. Seriously. What?

I’ve watched this video about eight times and still don’t understand how the Twins didn’t manage to get a single out in this scenario.

As I’ve noted before, if another team’s dugout is straight up pointing and laughing at you, you’ve probably made a mistake. Or multiple mistakes. Hilariously.

More like Star WARs am I right folks?

Had to do it.

Lesson 1: Never tell your anyone about your hemorrhoids

Rajai Davis was put on the DL on Wednesday for a non-baseball injury. That could mean anything. But the team declined to share that with the media, which is entirely their right and probably something Davis requested.

Because what he is on the disabled list with is hemorrhoids. How do we know if the team didn’t tell anybody?

Apparently Indians play-by-play announcer Matt Underwood knew somehow, and accidentally slipped and spilled the reason he was out of the lineup. Extremely awkwardly.

That there are multiple pauses, not just one, is really what brings the awkwardness to another level. It’s almost like he knew what he was about to do was a mistake but had already put the gears in motion and just had to go with it.

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